When you create, how exposed are you?
How much do you allow yourself to be bare? To just BE?
And are you willing to be more... as less?
Less performing, less shapeshifting. More absolute, undecorated YOU.
For the last month, my 8yo son has been visiting family on the East Coast (I spent about 17 years of my life in the Washington, DC area, where I was a competitive rugby player and an avid Hash House Harrier), and while I miss him terribly, I've also been exploring my relationship to myself. Part of that exploration has been painting... naked.
I'm actually NOT an exhibitionist. And as an empathic introvert, I'm overwhelmed by big crowds; I generally prefer to stay out of the spotlight. I've even been chided by friends and fellow entrepreneurs who've told me to stop hiding behind my art... And I can admit that's where I'm most comfortable.
I love creating - whether it's painting or drawing or smearing things around. I love teaching others (in my free FB Group or in one of my courses) how to let go and just BE in relationship to their own creative flows. But to be in the spotlight? To draw attention to myself? I consider myself humble to a fault. And being apart from my son has allowed me to explore a new kind of freedom in the privacy of my own home.
I live in Western Colorado and am currently without A/C. It's summertime. And as soon as I get home from work, I've begun taking off my clothes. I walk around naked. I feel the breeze from the 25 oscillating fans (okay, exaggeration) on my skin. I sit down to paint, and I allow myself to be bare - in my expression.
There's something about not only walking around naked, but PAINTING naked that is bringing me in touch with a bare-er side of my self. Where I don't feel like I'm performing or "being visible" (or populating my YouTube channel in the hopes of SEO traction). And I've noticed that the more I've gotten in touch with being bare, the more I'm no longer hiding what I really want to express. Instead, I'm offering it all - without apology.
These last two weeks of blogging (a 30 day challenge I accepted from fierce copywriter and coach Tania Dakka who heads our Fire of the Diamond posse alongside The Mage) have especially shown me much I have to express, even beyond the paint. These blogs I've been writing have become an exercise in bare-ing my thoughts, bare-ing my process, stripping away the need to present myself as a "professional" and motivating me to step out - fully naked, without apology - and just be who I am. Publicly.
I'm becoming exposed.
I'm exposing the me who may have been hiding. The me who was afraid to give too much detail. The me who didn't want to use words. The me who hoped people would OOOH and AHHH over her paintings and pay no mind to the artist behind the curtain.
I'm becoming someone who's actually interested in exposing the bare-ness and the purity of her own spirit. Not for the outer charade, but for the inner Truth. I'm exposing my own soul to inspire in you the courage to expose your own.
Even if it's just to yourself.